Sunday, February 22, 2009

Bob Smith Memorial


Good Golly, Miss Molly!
Molly, one of Bob Smith's many canine friends
Robert Edward Smith passed away peacefully on Feb 22, 2009 at Pennswood Village.
Bob went to sleep in his room in Pennswood Village after a happy and productive day and never awakened. He died of a massive stroke, never regaining consciousness.

Bob was surrounded in his last weeks by his children, grandchildren, cousins, his friend and sister-in-law, Claire Ludlow, and many, many, friends, relatives and dogs. Although he lost his wife and lifelong companion, Gloria, in December, he continued to be engaged with life, and to accept his aging gracefully.
He was always kind, courteous, and cheerful; none of us ever heard him complain, but we often heard him laugh. He continued to adore dogs, children, people, art, music (especially jazz!), nature, gardening, movies, and his beloved New York Times. He was delighted and proud to live within the community of Pennswood, where he had deep friends among the staff and residents.
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Bob was born on September 7, 1922 in Morristown New Jersey to Foster Dewey Smith and Edith Maude Babbington Smith. He had two brothers, Foster Junior, and John (Jackie). Bob worked in the family produce store “Foster’s Market” in Morristown throughout his teens. Bob served in the Army in WWII as an orderly on board the hospital ship Marigold, which docked in Tokyo three days before the final Japanese surrender.

Upon returning after the war, he married his best friend, Gloria Baird Smith. They spent 4 idyllic months at Lake Apacon living in a tent. They then attended Drew University together, and enjoyed the camaraderie of campus life together while living at “The Shack” a tiny house owned by Bob’s Aunt Gussie. Bob and Gloria worked on their graduate education at the University of Minnesota, where they had their son, Ralph Dewey.

Gloria contracted polio while pregnant with their second child, Robin Louise. Bob continued work on his doctorate in psychology, and sent Ralph and Robin to live with their grandparents in Morristown, while he studied and supported Gloria in her rehabilitation. After a year, Gloria successfully regained the use of her right arm, but she was in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. As Bob often remarked admiringly “This never slowed your mother down.”
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Indeed, Bob and Gloria worked together as an incredibly effective team to remodel all the homes they lived in so that Gloria could be fully independent. Bob pushed Gloria’s wheelchair a million miles… and we never saw him ever make the slightest complaint by look or word about the work that was involved in lifting, pushing and assisting her throughout her life.

Bob and Gloria were reunited with their children, and Bob began his life work at Educational Testing Service, where he served as Vice President for Finance and for Personnel. A second son, David Bruce Fisher, joined the family at their idyllic farm above Hopewell, NJ, where Bob and Gloria remodeled, cooked marvelous food, and gardened. The 150 year old farmhouse became a second home for scores of children, teens and friends. They were rich in lifelong friends – Rick and Letti Williams, Phyllis Reed, Harold and Tenni Komoski, Hope and Lenny Rosenfeld, Dorothy and Martin Katz, Tony and Glorianne Robbi enriched their lives.

Throughout their lives, Bob and Gloria, counseled, comforted, and enjoyed multitudes of friends and adopted relatives. To name just a few of Bob's deep friends who enjoyed his hospitality and wisdom (a full list would take a lifetime) we want to mention his deeply loved friends Cindy Le Blanc, Jimmy Holton, Kate Langhart, his grandson Brian Fisher who spent years helping at the farm, the Ooey family, the Hsiang family, the Carole family, the Lambie family, the Foster Smith family, the Nicolini family, Sergei's family, the Reed family, the Komoski family, the Lake family, the Brooks family, the Katz family, the Williams family, the children and staff of Newtown Friends School, the residents of Pennswood, Linda Krause, Nancy Spears and all of the Pennswood staff.

Bob and Gloria were delighted to welcome 3 grandchildren, and then 2 great grandchildren, plus adopted families which became their relatives, including Cindy and Jim Holton, the Pichasz’s, the Ooey’s, and the Hsiang family. Bob was dearly loved his beloved godchild, Lily Hartwell, of whom he often said “Look at that baby! Boy is she smart!”.

Bob and Gloria’s hospitality at the farm was legendary. At one point, Ralph and Robin tried to count the number of people who stayed at the farm for some period, but gave up after they had enumerated scores of friends who had stayed there for some time. A special set of guests were Bob’s parents, Edith and Foster Smith, who lived at the farm during the summers for many years, a joy to all that knew them.

Speaking of hospitality, the food at the Hopewell Farm, and at Pennswood, was always superlative. Bob was always searching for fresh garden produce – especially tender New Jersey sweet corn, local cherries, strawberries and peaches, Winesap apples, raspberries at local stands. Lamb from Maresca’s market, bacon from the Jugtown Smokehouse, eggs from their own hens showed up on the Smith table.
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The garden that Bob constructed for Gloria had raised boxes so she could garden from her wheelchair, and garden they did. Basil, green beans, and Bob’s incredible Jersey tomatoes graced many meals. Bob baked extraordinary French bread for all of his life, loved to make his special crepe suzettes, and explored international foods with gusto. Mrs Herbst’s strudel, Mr Castorino’s Italian bread, Bob’s famous soy sauce flank steak cooked on his charcoal grill, homemade pasta… the list is endless. Bob and Gloria’s enjoyment and knowledge of wine, liquor, cocktails, home made mint juleps, angustora bitter old fashions, fish house punch was enormous – and all of it was served with open hospitality to any guest or person who might just drop in.

One of the best memories of Bob’s culinary adventures was of his love of great coffee. Over the years Bob switched from percolators to Chemex drip to Melita drip to French Press, but the coffee beans were always the best, and they were kept in the freezers until moments before he ground them to just the right grind. Another common theme was Bob’s long held belief that allowing the water to boil for any amount of time would cause it to “lose all the oxygen”. This brought a cry from the children: “Look, a pot of hydrogen…” Yes, Bob’s coffee was a panacea for anything and everything.

Bob and Gloria adored the 25 acres of woods which surrounded the house, and welcomed all the deer, rabbits and birds who lived there. Bob planted a multitude of unusual plants – raspberry bushes, asparagus beans, flowering cherry trees that grew to be 100 feet high and were covered with white flowers each spring.
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He carefully brought back the lilac hedge, the pink cottage roses and the forsythia that came with the farm, and cherished the farm pond and stone spring which graced the meadow. He planted bamboo, which flourished and spread over the meadow to all our neighbor’s astonishment, and tree peonies with flowers the size of dinner plates. He must have hauled 10,000 pounds of bird seed for the wild birds (and deer) and thistle seed for the goldfinches.

Bob was committed to community service, and served on boards for Mill Hill Shelter, and East Amwell school; he acted as president of the Hunterdon Central School Board where he worked with others to make that school one of the top 100 high schools in the nation.
Bob always encouraged Gloria to pursue a social life (she was part of the same book group for 50 years), social service work and her library career. After Gloria received her double MA in 1978, Bob and Gloria began doing formal psychological counseling together as a team. But Bob was always available to counsel anyone in trouble; his gentle, nonjudgemental guidance was invaluable to everyone with a problem.

Bob and Gloria traveled widely. In 1947, they began their travels after reading an article in National Geographic on Cape Hatteras and the Outer Banks. Seeing the world situation (they were in the reserves) they were convinced that they might soon be called back to the armed services, so they took the $10 per month each that they got for mustering out of WWII, and drove their old car down to Hatteras, which was truly back of beyond in those days. There was no bridge; they had to take the ferry.
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They had arranged no place to stay, but simply inquired at the tiny island post office. In this way they found “Midge” Midgett, a native fisherman, who had an extra bedroom. They climbed the Hatteras Light (all 130 stairs), drove on the beach (the island had practically no roads), ate clams and seafood, and enjoyed the beauty of the sea and marshes. They returned home with 13 cents left in their pockets, not having thought that anyone in Morristown would have been worried about them. “After all”, my mother told me “We’d been in Service for the whole war!” Grandmother Baird didn’t stop scolding for ‘months’!

Robin, Ralph and Ted were fortunate to be taken to the best museums by Bob and Gloria – the New York Natural History Museum, Philadelphia Art Museum (for the historic Andrew Wyeth show), the Mercer Museum, and the Guggenheim (where Robin and Ralph dearly loved running down the ramp, and taking the elevator back up). In later years they frequently toured the Michener museum, and adored the Daniel Gerber exhibit of local Delaware scenes that came there a few years ago. Bob always loved art and responded deeply to art in all its forms. He also delighted in music, especially jazz, but loved classical concerts, blues, country and western, and rockabilly.
Books and Movies, Words and Games - all were fixtures of the good times at the Hopewell Farm. Bob keen dry wit and enormous intelligence lead word games like Ghost on the porch in the summer. We played Flinch, Scrabble, and the huge dictonary was consulted for meaning and history of words at almost every meal. Few people emerged from the bathroom without having a new piece of knowledge from the Encyclopedia Britannica which graced the bathroom shelves.
Bob read voraciously and widely. He loved P G Wodehouse, Penrod, Winnie the Pooh, James Thurber, Wambaugh, Westlake. He read to us kids constantly - the entire book of Thor Heyrdahl's Kon-Tiki when Robin was 6, T.S. Eliott ("I'll carry you off to a cannibal isle, I'll be the cannibal, you be the missionary, I'll be your little 7 stone missionary, I'll convert you, I'll convert YOU into a stew, a nice little, white little missionary stew" he used to recite with relish), the New York Times, cartoons from the New Yorker (he loved jokes and humor), oh, and so many more. Mom always said that dad had to explain all the jokes to her.
I remember when he got "The Space Child's Mother Goose" with this poem and read it to us:
"Higglety Pigglety, My Black Hen
She lays eggs in the Relative When,
She doesn't lay eggs in the Positive Now
Because she's unable to postulate how..."
Then there were the movies. The Strand in New Hope provided foreign movie fare, and we went almost every week... Robin can remember seeing Fellini, Truffaut, Jean Paul Belmundo, Mon Oncle, The Seven Samurai - some made sense, some were a little mysterious, but dad always said they'd make sense when we grew up. (I'm still not so sure about Fellini.. maybe I haven't grown up enough yet.) As time went on, he was able to get VHS, then Netflix, where to his delight he could revisit all the classic movies of the 30s and 40s, see jazz concerts and keep up with the best of the new movies. As mom often said even late in Dad's life "He never forgot a restaurant or a movie."

Bob and Gloria loved to take the kids and rent a house at Hatteras or at Block Island for a summer vacation on the beach. We remember a wonderful Hatteras session in which we ate 6 dozen clams as clams casino for lunch, decided that clams casino would be just right for dinner, and went back to Midges for another 6 dozen. The Jugtown Smokehouse full cured bacon was sliced off the solid bacon piece, the green peppers were cut up and we ate another 6 dozen clams casino for dinner. We kids often dug clams with our toes in the surf at Hatteras and Block Island with dad, but we just couldn’t keep up with demand.

More travels followed – to Scotland, England (twice – once with Grandmother Smith), Italy (twice – once with Grandma Smith), France, Sicily (when it was still wild, Bob always said). They went to see the redwoods in California, the Vancouver Quarry garden in British Columbia, camped for 2 weeks in pup tents with Bill and Robin in the backwoods of Utah and Colorado. They camped in outfitters tents with Bill, Robin & Brian on the Wyoming border where it snowed several inches on June 11th. Bob, we should point out, had collected a full load of wood the night before the snow. He stored it in his tent to feed the dry wood to the stove that snowy morning just as soon as he woke up. Brian, wandering around disconsolately searching for dry wood, was astonished at the old man’s foresight.

When Bob and Gloria retired, they were delighted to accompany Brian for a trip in the Everglades on a houseboat, to see alligators, osprey and otters. After 9/11 they were forced to curtail some of their traveling, but they still managed to go to Baltimore for a conference (and to see the poison arrow frog exhibit in the Baltimore Aquarium). Bob and Robin had a marvelous time taking the “Ducks”, the amphibious buses around the harbor, while Gloria represented Pennswood at the CCRC conference. For their 60th wedding anniversary, Bob and Gloria chose to go to the Brandywine Valley for several days, touring the Wyeth museum, Longwood Gardens, and Winterthur.

They also delighted in writing restaurant reviews for the Princeton Packet, a role that meant that the leftovers they brought home gave them the best fed chickens in the state of New Jersey. (Few chickens get to even taste lobster!) Their favorite restaurant, the Riesling Inn, had a tasting menu that Dad thought one of the best he had ever encountered.

Bob and Gloria continued to have a string of pets which included all kinds of dogs ranging from their first beagle, Ringer, to the 8 pound Jack Russell terrier, Jill, to the 235 pound Newfoundland, Cap’n Huff. There were 2 miniature donkeys, geese, a starling, a baby robin, deer mice, goats… the list goes on and on... As one of their grandchildren remarked “I had a blessed childhood. The farm was one of the greatest places in the world to be a dog or a child.”

In 1995, Bob and Gloria chose to enter Pennswood Village, a Quaker Continuing Care Retirement Center. Bob was active in intergenerational activities with Newtown Friends Elementary School, and served on the movie committee. He acted in many plays, and baked some of the best bread ever eaten by the many friends and relatives who visited Bob and Gloria in their homey apartment.
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After Gloria’s death in December of 2008, Bob continued to be cheerful and enjoy life and friends. He was a popular dinner companion, still adored every dog and child he saw, and read his New York Times every morning. His kind, courteous and cheerful demeanor made him a prime favorite with Pennswood residents and staff, and brought many friends and relatives to visit frequently.
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On the last day of Bob's life, he went out to lunch at a good Italian restaurant with a group of friends, read a book of the last 100 years of New York Times headlines with his son, and went peacefully to sleep, to never wake up. He was a wonderful father, grandfather, and friend, and we will all miss him.

Bob is survived by his sons, Ralph Dewey Smith and David B Fisher; his daughter, Robin Smith Davis; his daughter-in-law, Sandy Fisher; his sister-in-law and longtime friend, Claire Ludlow; his grandson, Brian Fisher; his granddaughters, Wendy Fisher Morrison and Dawn Fisher Ferro, and his great granddaughters, Abigail Dawn Morrison, and Hannah Marie Morrison. He is also survived by his beloved godchild, Lily Hartwell. Lily was adopted from Vietnam as a toddler last year by longtime family friend Glenna Hartwell.
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The family requests that instead of flowers, anyone who wishes may make a contribution in Bob's memory to the Lily Hartwell Education Fund. Checks should be made payable to the Lily Hartwell Education Fund, PO Box 295, Milltown, NJ 08850-0295.
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A memorial will be held in April at Pennswood Village to celebrate Bob's life.


Bob's memorial blog is found at bobsmithmemorial.blogspot.com.